Message In A Bottle

I just finished watching Message In A Bottle again and thought of posting the firt letter Theresa found. I personally think it was so real. Like a guy would really make this.



Let me share it.


''Dear Catherine:


l'm sorry l haven 't talked to you in so long.
l feel l've been lost...
...no bearings, no compass.
l kept crashing into things, a little crazy, l guess.
l've never been lost before.
You were my true north.
l could always steer for home when you were my home.
Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
l still think some mistake's been made...
...and l'm waiting for God to take it back.
But l'm doing better now.
The work helps me.
Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile...
... that always held me like a lover...
...rocked me like a child.
All l remember from the dream...
...is a feeling of peace.
I woke up with that feeling...
...and tried to keep it alive as long as l could.
l'm writing to tell you that l'm on a journey toward that peace.
And to tell you l'm sorry about so many things.
l'm sorry l didn 't take better care of you...
...so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick.
''I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words. . .
. . .to tell you what I was feeIing.
I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door.
I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you.
I'm sorry I didn't apologize more.
I was too proud.
I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compIiments. . .
. . .on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair.
I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength. . .
. . .that even God couIdn't pull you away. ''


Signed, ''All my love, G. ''


Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

Bromance.

A bromance or man-crush is a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homosocial intimacy.



Just so you know I will never ever make a blog about football games. It's just that my neighbors are watching a match and their TV set is so freaking loud.

My favorite hetero guy told me before that people here in Barcelona watch football not because of hot and sexy players, but for the game. Not like me. I personally find Fernando Torres and Cesc Fabregas football hotties and they are the reason why I sometimes watch games. Hah!

Anyway, did I tell you that my neighbors are actually two gay guys living in together. And not to mention that our flat is in between two flats occupied by gay couples. Second floor, door number four is being resided by an old gay couple who I am guessing have been living in together for ages. They are just always together and honestly, I am not used to seeing just one of them walking outside. They are almost inseparable. They have a cute dog named Pepa and they would walk her together. They really look like Barbie and Kent (I think it's better than calling them husbands and wife).

But on the other side of our flat where the window of my bedroom faces, is the bedroom of another gay couple younger then the first couple I mentioned. And if I may say, they look cute. They are natives of Barcelona because I would hear them speak in Catalan. This one's a different couple though.

Discovering them was actually an accident. At first, I thought they were bothers.

First night that I noticed them was when I was smoking a cigar and saw that their window was wide open. The younger and fit looking guy was lying on his bed with his comforter on. Oh and it was actually winter. The other guy looks a little older. He was just in a black boxer briefs. He was checking his J-Lo ass. I didn't know why but he was checking it. Then the older guy walked out to take a shower because he grabbed his towel. The other guy was left lying on the bed. And to my surprise, he started masturbating!

Then he came. The older guy returned. I thought he did it while the other one was showering just so he wouldn't get caught by his "brother" wanking his big stuff. Then nights passed. I got curious and curious about these two guys. Could it be that they are brothers? Or they are two straight boys sharing a room? But the bed was a king size not a double deck.

Then one night, my questions were answered. I saw the older guy on top of the younger one. They still have their clothes on. They were hugging, kissing and petting. Then I knew, they are a couple. My jaw dropped. I was awed with what I saw. Got nervous they might catch me.

And so it happened. Leaving their window and the light open, I got to see the full monty. A live show.

The older guy started sucking the younger one's cock. They kissed again. Then they got naked. The older guy sat on the younger one's hard member. So he was the bottom. I can almost hear the sound of the pumping. I swear to god my member stood up in attention to what I saw.

Then the younger one came. The older one cleaned up all the mess with a tissue paper and went to the comfort room to clean his self up. They called up the night.

Actually, every now and then, I'd still secretly watch them do it. And really, they are both gifted.

Tonight, I saw the younger one watching a football match while the other one's already asleep in his arms. And that made me realize the things I am missing being a single doll.

Sometimes it sucks being a single doll, so HOLLER!


Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

Pink Sheep of the Family.

"I grew up in a very well groomed family. Went to church religiously. Was told I was, “a very bright student”. Wasn’t raised in a bad neighborhood. Then I came out of the closet, my family embraced me." - I can relate to Hunter about that.

Like I said, it's not something that they don't know yet. They all did. Everyone did. But we just chose not to talk about my sexuality. Respect it is.

As a kid, I went to private schools. Some schools that are labeled for the rich kids only. I honestly can't remember at what age I realized that I am a queer. If I can say I was born gay, I will. During those years though, I still can remember that I've had crushes on girls but at the same time I fancy boys.
More boys than girls. Early sign of bisexuality.

I spent almost all my life being surrounded by girls. I have three doll sisters and our mom raising us up since my dad was based outside the country for work. I have more girl friends than boys. Maybe I wanna say I experienced identity crisis having been with them through out my life. But then again I think no. Clearly I knew I was into boys not into girls. It was so clear to me that I was gay.

So how did I came out of the closet? First I believe that closets are for clothes, not for people like us.

I was already actually planning on confessing to my mom who I really am when I go home for vacation. But as a very gorgeous doll, people envy you and wanna talk about you. I went to a depedida party of a friend who will be in Manila for several weeks. She prepared dinner for us. It was fun and sad at the same time because I'll miss her and her kids. I was in their dining area and got to talk to a girl who happens to know my family. The fact that their flat is infront of the flat of my dad and his new lady. Likewise, she already met my mom in the Philippines when she went there for vacation.

She gave me a lot of praises. From the top I was wearing which if I can remember well, that's a top from Topman, and to the bag I brought. Admitedly, I am a doll who is thirsty for praises. Who isn't? I actually thought she was nice and funny. I even showed her my man bag.

Then like three days passed. I got a call from my mom. She sounded angry and pissed! She questioned me why am I wearing make up and stuffs. Seriously, if you know me, I am not the person to argue with having just woke up. I am a very serious bad morning doll. I calmed down. I told her that we'll talk some other time.

I was shocked. I knew it was that bitch at Tina's party who blabbed it to my dad and then my dad to my mom.

Then I talked to my mom, heart to heart. On the phone I told her everything. I cleared every bits and pieces. What made me cry is that I never got a WHY from her. She defended me. She saved me. She accepted me.

That time I knew, they have finaly accepted that I am the pink sheep of the family.




Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

Beijos do Brasil.

I don't know about you dolls, but I find people from Brazil romantic and sweet. They just know which spot to hit. For an unknown reason, it turns me on hearing a brazilian twink speaking spanish. Their accent is so kinky.

It was the middle of spring and it was around one in the morning. I didn't walk too fast, wasn't too slow either. But within ten minutes, I saw myself looking up at their flat on the second floor. It was a street very familiar to me. It is near Viva VOz, a karaoke spot where we always go to sing. I admit that I experienced the feeling of excitement on finally meeting Tony's hot flatmate from Brazil. So i called him to go downstairs and meet me there because I was still smoking a cigar. For real I was so tensed that Tony might caught us and bitch slap me right there and then.

So he went down. And God, I already noticed how firm his body was. He gave me that naughty smile of an angel.



I have a manerism of winking on people or friends when I see them. Winking doll style. I winked at him and he said we can go up now becuase he's all alone. And so we did. I was following him through the stairs. No hair on his legs. His arms tattooed with stars. Perfect set of teeth. And the smell of freshly showered boy. A twink he is. (Twink or twinkie is a gay slang term describing a young or young-looking gay man (in his late teens or early twenties) with a slender build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair)

Then we entered the flat. It was a typical flat where you'd really think that boys live there. Not so many decorations. Sort of like a college dorm. I noticed it was a two bedroom flat. And the bigger one was his. He guided me through his room. Door closed.

I sat on his bed. His laptop was on top of a desk playing a house mix. His facebook account open. A mirror infront of the bed. A red bean bag on the floor with used clothes on top of it. We chatted.

So i asked him if Tony is gonna be back soon. He said, he doesn't know. He asked me if I wanna drink something. I said no. Actually that night, I was already tipsy and all due to that sex on the beach from Ebano which I heart so much. He sat beside me. Pushed me, leaving me lying on his bed. He took his top off. I was still fully dressed. We kissed.

He's not a good kiser and that's sad. Kissing for me is more important than fucking.

And so it happened. It was so intense that I've already forgotten where I am. He was big. Uncut. It was smooth.

He reached on his drawer and I saw him grabbed a lubricant and condom.

He looked at me, I said no. Not yet. I moved on top. Doll on top now.

He opened the condom. The look in his eyes clearly states what he wanted to do to me. I rejected it. I said no. Sometimes saying no isn't bad.

In my doll years, I've only done it once. It was with Joseph. And never did I do it again. Not becuase I didn't want to but honestly, I don't see myself doing it with him or with anyone else which I am not in a relationship with. Actually, I don't know why I can't do it anymore. For real. And im freaking scared it might close. Hah!

He was a hustler.

So our bottles popped. Him on my chest. Me on his face.

Exhausted, we lied side by side on his stained bed. My phone vibrated. Someone's calling. It was Jingle, a close friend of mine who doesn't really like me hooking up with random guys. (another story which I will blog soon) I talked to her in spanish just so it wouldn't be disrespectful to Hugo. Hugo got up near the door. I said I'm not at home and that I'll just call her up when I get back.

I swear we didn't hear any noise, any footsteps or whatever at all when the door to his room, all of a sudden, opened. I just don't understand why they do not put locks on their doors. How about privacy? Dang! Luckily he was standing next to the door so it didn't open wide. I realized I was lying on the bed half naked.

And with a little twist of brazilian luck, it was TOny. Shit! I accidentally dropped Jingle's call and Hugo was holding the door with his two hands so Tony can't get in. Luckily, he didn't insist. Prolly seeing Hugo in just his pink Calvin Klein boxers on.

I was scared as shit. I don't understand portugese. But from what I've heard, I think Tony forgot something and returned just to get it. Then when Tony left the pad, I was so in a hurry dressing up and fixing myself so I can leave already. But I didn't notice any panic on his side which was weird. He was just standing next to me, looking sexy.

Then he guided me outside, we were like running in small steps if that makes sense. Maybe because I didn't wanna leave yet but I have to. So we were running on the stairs with him just on boxers briefs. Hah!

I remember telling him, Tony wants to date me. I have to meet him. And now I know it sounds like I want to hit two birds with one stone. But really, I just want to have dinner with him becuase he was so nice and the fact that he is brazilian too. He said, no. He pleaded no.

So I went home. Got a text message from Jinlge and she is smoking mad!

I didn't meet up with Tony. I lost communication with Hugo after a lunch date. Last time we talked was he was in Paris watching Lady Gaga's concert. He even sent me photos of them.

SO basically, I lost two hot brazilians and dang it!


Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

Meanwhiles

At the age of 24, I've been through alot. Yada yada yada, like what all the geeks say, life's full of ups and downs. But still, having been throuh alot already, I still search for that beauty from above, something like when I wake up, I can say "this time I got it right and that my life has a new meaning".

I'm a hopeless romantic doll. Every girl hearted people are, I guess.

I just came out to my mom and sisters recently. Not that they didn't know it eversince but I guess we just chose not to talk about my sexuality. They respected me. Accepted me. I'll talk about how it happened some other time.

Going back to my relationship status, yes! I am single. It's not that I don't get a lot of "meanwhiles" (meanwhile - noun, a red alert amonst friends signaling them to take immediate notice of passing stranger (usually attractive).) but I just carefully choose which meanwhile I have to be with. I don't actually know if that's what's wrong with me. I am a certified choosy doll.

There were two guys I dated recently.

One from Salamanca, Spain. His name is Angel. He works with a very close friend of mine at McDonald's, so that was supposed to be a plus factor. Why? Becuase at least I'd get to know what he's doing and he's upto whenever we are not together. I actually liked him but I didn't feel any romantic connection with him. I guess it's safe to say he is a friend material not a boyfriend material. And besides he just got out of a serious bad relationship and I don't wanna be his rebound. So one dinner date. A coffee and a chat near Universitat. A walk at Passeo de Gracia. Then over. No commuincation after.

The last guy I dated was a brazilian who spells the word HOT capitalized. His name is Hugo. A 19 year old blonde doll. I was actually supposed to date his friend but one night I ended up in his well- toned tattooed arms. How did it hapen?



I was chatting with his friend Tony for several nights already. Once, he invited me to his place which is like eight blocks away from my place. But didn't have the time to go there becuase of my busy schedule. One night, me and a friend went out and had cocktails at Ebano. She got drunk easily so we were forced to go home early. I went online as part of my daily normal and nightly routine. I logged in at my msn account and saw Tony was online. He said he's off to work. Several minutes passed.

Somebody added me on msn. "Junior - Hugo". I accepted it. He said hola to me and I hola-d back to him! He said he's the flatmate of Tony. There and then he said he stole my msn email address from Tony. So nights passed. Lots of convos. Still Tony not knowing it. And then the bomb. He invited me to their flat after Tony went out to go to his work. Since it was just walking distance from my place, I agreed. Part of the reason why I agreed is that I saw his pictures already and dang! Hotness personified.

Last words he told me is he's gonna be waiting for my call whenever I am already outside their flat and that he's gonna take a shower first. Hah! That was I guess a clue of what's gonna happen that night.

But unfortunately, I have to do laundry tomorrow. Clean my messy room. Shop. So, I'll leave you guys with the thought of what happened that night. Stay tuned . Hah!

Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

I need Love. I need Light.

Why am I making this blog?

Uhm, I don't know. Like I've been... I felt really down lately.

Like, uhm, I didn't want to talk about it at first becuase I don't want to give too much personal information.

But life sucks sometimes. Like when things don't go your way, like there's something you want to happen so bad and you think it actually might happen or something might be true and you dont know and it's still kind of going on the opposite direction.

Sigh. But I still look on the bright side though, giving my self something to look forward to. Trying to think about good things and happy thoughts but sadly, I can't find that much.

I wish I could like just say everything except you know, I don't know who's gonna be reading this blog and I don't wanna give out too much information and then just end up embarassing myself later on.

But it's like, it seems like all through out my life I have this hope for a certain thing, and each time a new thing comes along I get so hopefull and then end up just crashing down.

I guess I just need to learn to accept what life is and not really get my hope up too much because it's gonna hurt in the end.

True. Sometimes the life you have isn't the one you wanted...


Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo

The Lord is my Shepherd and He knows I'm gay.

One of my favorite female hollywood star on her movie said, to be able to write somethig good you have to know what you are writing about. I guess if there's one thing i can ace it has to be my experiences. Which i have tons of at this age. From the bitch core of myself, thousands of words can't explain and describe them. So i have to do it in installments. Hah!

So, this is it.

Confessing everything. Bare and naked.

Truth and nothing but the truth.

Love and light dolls ♥

xxxcarlo